Brighid

Week #3 - the letter "B"

Last year, Prairie Star Circle presented a dynamic ritual entitled "Journey to the Sacred Well."  I was lucky to attend and had a wonderful time.  The biggest part of the experience for me was during the guided meditation.

But first, I need to backtrack just a bit.

In my practice, I've never felt truly connected to any one specific deity.  And, believe me, it is not for lack of trying.  I've studied, "dated", honored, prayed to, and explored multiple gods and goddesses.  I never clicked with anyone.  I never felt that connection that so many of my fellow Pagans have experienced.  I was honestly bummed.

But, my Wiccan beginning left me feeling comfortable with a generic God and Goddess.  I could ask the Lord and Lady to join me in my rite.  Mother Earth and Father Sky would occasionally take their place in my circle.  Use whatever non-identifying name that still represented a male and female aspect and it worked for me.

However, I did still long for the connection or sign.

Brigid at Imbolc by Alivanna Rose Moore

Back to the ritual...  During the guided meditation we walked from a safe location of our own design to a well within a forested area.  There we met someone who gave us a token.  This someone, to me, was to represent the Goddess Brighid or actually be Brighid.  Imagine my shock and surprise when the someone pulled down the hood of her cloak and I was looking at myself, or at least someone who looked like me but had this glow and essence that I didn't personally see within myself.

Whoa.

What did this mean?  Are there aspects of Brighid that I exhibit?  Does she have something to teach me?  Is this my connection to deity that I have craved and sought out for years?  Is she my Patron Goddess?  I still was not sure but I knew that I needed to check her out more.  I needed to find the meaning in her showing herself during my meditation.

And with a load of enthusiasm and curiosity, I started to read and research.  Then life happened and my spirituality was pushed to the side, like it so often has been over the years.  Before long, my connection to and relationship with Brighid was not even something that graced my conscious.  In fact, until this prompt was presented, I'd scarcely given her a thought.

About 3 months ago, I really started to look at my relationship with the divine.  I began to question what it was that I believed about the divine.  And I hit a wall.  Was I polytheistic?  Or duotheistic?  Perhaps Atheism or Agnosticism?  I didn't really like the idea of a being or beings lording power over me and being more powerful that I could ever be. So did I even believe in divine beings? 

I'm still unsure.

Still, I need to research Brighid and give her the respect she deserves for bothering to come to me.  And I need to continue to examine my view of the divine.  As of this moment, my Shanda-ism is not driven by deity.  I believe that all things are interconnected and they are all made up of energy.  That, for the time being, works for me.