the Broom Closet

Week #4 - the letter "B" again

Being "in" or "out" of the broom closet is a personal choice.  Someone may choose to be in or out for a variety of reasons and in a variety of different environments.  I have friends who are completely out, so much so that they don't even remember where the broom closet is located.  Others are deep inside, behind a triple-bolted door, afraid to even make a peep should another person notice the broom closet.  Most are somewhere in the middle - partially out to friends and family, out to only a select few co-workers, etc.  I do my best to help those people maintain their level of comfort with being "in" or "out."

My closet time has fluctuated over the years.

I was pretty "out" about my spirituality in the beginning.  I would wear my pentacle necklace with pride for all the world to see.  If someone asked, I would tell them that I was a Pagan.  Often that would then be followed by some questions to clarify so I would answer them to the best of my ability.  I owned my Paganism.  I came out to my mom early on and, after reassuring her that I was not some Gothic, animal-sacrificing devil worshiper, she appeared to be mostly okay with her daughter being a Witch.  A few years later, she outed me to her entire side of the family.

Somewhere along the line, I opened the door to my broom closet and stood in the threshold.  I would smile and wave from my perch, sometimes stepping out further into the light and other times retreating into the dark.  This all depended on my situation and the people involved.  I remained here for a very long time.

In late-2002 when I met my husband-to-be and his children, I had to pause and really examine my location.  He knew I was a Pagan and was even following the path but how do you tell young children?  We took the idea of exposing them to bits and pieces of Paganism, as well as keeping their mundane life in tact.  They joined us at rituals a few times before we sat them down and told them directly that Dad and Shanda were Pagans.

Lots of questions and lots of experiences later and we now practice as a family.  We didn't push them to become Pagan and supported them fully when they were involved with Christian-based churches.  One thing we hoped to teach them in regards to religion is to be open-minded and respectful.  I really feel we succeeded.

At that point, I was once again very "out."  I knew when to keep quiet or when to tuck my pentacle back under my shirt.  But I wasn't going to deny who I was and what I believed if I was asked.  That practice has served me well.

When I applied to be a Local Coordinator for the Pagan Pride Project, Inc. in 2013, I had to agree to be "out" of the broom closet because I was to be the public figurehead for my area.  Not a problem at all since I was mostly "out" anyway.  However, I needed to run it past some very important people in my life because being "out" in my life was a bit different than being "out" and directly associated with an international organization.

The first person I spoke with was my husband.  He's Pagan and I would consider him to be half in and half out of the broom closet.  We live in Central Nebraska and it's not a very diversified community in any way.  Because of that, I needed to get his okay to apply because his last name would be tied to me and to Paganism in our community.  He told me to go for it, not that I expected him to say otherwise.

The step kids were next.  I needed to clearly explain to them what the position of Local Coordinator would be in regards to publicity.  They are both exploring Paganism and trying to find their own spiritual paths so I knew it could reflect on them.  Plus, both weren't really set on a path so they were neither in nor out.  Both gave me the thumbs up.

I'm a leader/organizer/facilitator of two local Pagan groups.  Prairie Star Circle - a monthly Pagan religious service (ritual) - is open to persons of all faiths so gaining approval of the other co-facilitator was not necessarily needed but I did owe him the courtesy.  The Rural Nebraska Witches' Group is a more so social group where members join and attend those events they choose.  Some members of RNWG are totally out and others are not at all.  We have some members that are out to a selective group of people within their lives.  Because of the choice to be closeted, I wanted to run it past the other co-organizer so she could present her viewpoint and thoughts.

Approval and applause from both parties.

I applied and landed the position.  A few months after that, we held the first ever Kearney Area Pagan Pride Day on October 20, 2013.  Only weeks earlier the first Nebraska Pagan Pride Day was held in Omaha.  It was certainly a banner year for the Pagan community in our state.

Less than a week after KAPPD, I was interviewed by a reporter with the local paper.  I was nervous because I didn't want to come off sounding bad or have my words taken out of context.  I am working to build up our Pagan community and show the non-Pagans that our only true difference is our belief systems. 

They article (Hahn Kinkade: Pagans are 'just like everyone else') was...okay.  Some of the quotes that are directly attributed to me were from brochures and information from the national website.  But it was a positive story. 

The responses, in general, where expected.  I had supporters and those who disagreed with allowing a Pagan group to hold such an event in our town.  Comments about finding baby parts around town would just show there are Pagans here. The story was posted to the paper's Facebook page and the comments were varied.  The Witches' Voice Facebook page also shared it and the biggest issue circled around Paganism being a "mystery tradition" so why were we public. 

Do I regret being "out" to the entire community?  No, not in the least.  I am proud to be a Pagan and I am proud of what the Pagan community in central Nebraska is becoming.  I own my Paganism and the impact I have had on our community.  For me, being out is the right thing for me.