Community

Week #5 - the letter "C"

When I first began my journey on the Paganism road, I didn't realize how lonely I would feel.  Mind you, this was before the internet was widely available and I was still in high school in a small Nebraska town with a population of roughly 4000.  I knew NO ONE who was Pagan.  Heck, I didn't really even know anyone who wasn't Christian.  I was alone.

I knew there had to be others out there.  After all, there were books written by other Pagans.  In many of those books there were resources listed in the back.  Addresses and phone numbers for groups and covens and magazines and sanctuaries were readily.  But nothing for a 15 year old with no money or means of travel. 

So I did would I could, read what I could find.  Anything "occult-like" was fascinating to me.  I wanted a connection to someone.  I had a few friends who were into things like trying to read palms, guessing if a playing card was red or black, or anything with even the slightest occult connection.  For the time being, that worked.

In college, I met another Pagan.  We talked and shared.  I had access to money and real book stores. I slowly began to accumulate more knowledge and practical experiences.  I was starting to really come into my own spiritually but I still longed for a community larger than two people.

But why?

Perhaps my Catholic up-bringing had led me to link community and religion/spirituality.  I had grown up playing with some of the same kids for years in the church nursery and day care.  We took CCD (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine) or Catechism classes weekly and attended Sunday School together.  Our parents were friends.  Our church was a large family that came together for weddings, funerals, and weekly worship.  We supported each other, helped each other, learned together, and grew together.  We had community and I loved it.

It is the best rationale I can summon.

Moving on...

In my last year of college (1996-97) I was lucky to meet some new students who were also Pagan or Pagan curious.  Before long, we had a bit of a coven.  We studied together, practiced together, became close friends, and really relied on each other.  Myself and another gal were the leaders because we had the most experience and access to the most resources.  Although it was small, I had a community.

But then I graduated and ended up moving back to my hometown of 4000-ish people.  But, there was the internet!  Oh, Blessed Be, the world wide web.  It was my sanity and saving grace.  Information was at my fingertips.  For 5 years, my community was just me and the info on the web.  So I studied and practiced as a solitaire.

Most of my close friends knew I was Pagan and were cool with it.  There were occasional questions and curiosity but I still wanted a community. 

No, at that point, I needed a community. 

This community would be one of like-minded individuals who were Pagan.  The people who wanted to grow and explore our spirituality.  Someone to talk to and ask questions of.  Perhaps practice together or even start a working coven together.  Maybe friendships would develop and bonds formed.  I needed to be able to have an outlet where I could be 100% me, showing off all aspects of my personality and soul. 

So what's a witch to do?  Create a community!

On September 27, 2002 I formed an online community utilizing Yahoo! Groups.  My vision for the group - Wiccans in Nebraska (or WINEB for short) - was "to network with others in Nebraska. My dream for this group is to create a place where those both in and out of the broom closet can come together, form friendships, share knowledge, ask questions, and feel as if they belong." 

Over a five year period, the group grew large enough that we had routine chats and online classes.  Some members stepped up as teachers and mentors.  Bonds were formed and some still remain true and strong today.  Although the group is still open, we haven't been overly active since 2007.  The group ran it's course and I vow to never close it because everyone needs a home and somewhere to feel that they are part of a community.

I still craved more.  I wanted a physical community where we would meet in person to socialize, learn, and practice together.  A WINEB member told me about a group she was in called the Rural Nebraska Witches' Group (RNWG).  The group, organized and ran through the wonderful meetup.com site, was based out of the town where I currently lived and had been going strong for about eight months.  I figured, why not, and attended the group's 2007  Beltane event with my husband and kids in tow.

To say I was nervous would be putting it lightly.  I was terrified.  My last real experience with other Pagans had not ended well (more on that at another time), so being around so many Pagans that I didn't know was a real leap of faith for me.  It was also a huge trust issue since this would be the first time my husband and kids were around a group of Pagans and the first time they would witness a large, group ritual.  I had to mentally prepare myself to be on the defensive and be ready to protect me and mine if it came to it. 

But it was wonderful.  The ritual - where the rainy and dreary day suddenly became rain-free and a beam of light shone through the clouds - was the stuff of movies.  The people were amazingly friendly.  I found that I "knew" some of the people from online and WINEB.  Could this be my community?

About six weeks later, I led the group in a Midsummer ritual and by September, there was a change in leadership and I became co-organizer of the group.  Me and one of my best friends have been leading RNWG ever since by hosting social events, learning circles, and group rituals.

Stay tuned for my next entry in the Pagan Blog Project where I will continue to discuss community.  

the Broom Closet

Week #4 - the letter "B" again

Being "in" or "out" of the broom closet is a personal choice.  Someone may choose to be in or out for a variety of reasons and in a variety of different environments.  I have friends who are completely out, so much so that they don't even remember where the broom closet is located.  Others are deep inside, behind a triple-bolted door, afraid to even make a peep should another person notice the broom closet.  Most are somewhere in the middle - partially out to friends and family, out to only a select few co-workers, etc.  I do my best to help those people maintain their level of comfort with being "in" or "out."

My closet time has fluctuated over the years.

I was pretty "out" about my spirituality in the beginning.  I would wear my pentacle necklace with pride for all the world to see.  If someone asked, I would tell them that I was a Pagan.  Often that would then be followed by some questions to clarify so I would answer them to the best of my ability.  I owned my Paganism.  I came out to my mom early on and, after reassuring her that I was not some Gothic, animal-sacrificing devil worshiper, she appeared to be mostly okay with her daughter being a Witch.  A few years later, she outed me to her entire side of the family.

Somewhere along the line, I opened the door to my broom closet and stood in the threshold.  I would smile and wave from my perch, sometimes stepping out further into the light and other times retreating into the dark.  This all depended on my situation and the people involved.  I remained here for a very long time.

In late-2002 when I met my husband-to-be and his children, I had to pause and really examine my location.  He knew I was a Pagan and was even following the path but how do you tell young children?  We took the idea of exposing them to bits and pieces of Paganism, as well as keeping their mundane life in tact.  They joined us at rituals a few times before we sat them down and told them directly that Dad and Shanda were Pagans.

Lots of questions and lots of experiences later and we now practice as a family.  We didn't push them to become Pagan and supported them fully when they were involved with Christian-based churches.  One thing we hoped to teach them in regards to religion is to be open-minded and respectful.  I really feel we succeeded.

At that point, I was once again very "out."  I knew when to keep quiet or when to tuck my pentacle back under my shirt.  But I wasn't going to deny who I was and what I believed if I was asked.  That practice has served me well.

When I applied to be a Local Coordinator for the Pagan Pride Project, Inc. in 2013, I had to agree to be "out" of the broom closet because I was to be the public figurehead for my area.  Not a problem at all since I was mostly "out" anyway.  However, I needed to run it past some very important people in my life because being "out" in my life was a bit different than being "out" and directly associated with an international organization.

The first person I spoke with was my husband.  He's Pagan and I would consider him to be half in and half out of the broom closet.  We live in Central Nebraska and it's not a very diversified community in any way.  Because of that, I needed to get his okay to apply because his last name would be tied to me and to Paganism in our community.  He told me to go for it, not that I expected him to say otherwise.

The step kids were next.  I needed to clearly explain to them what the position of Local Coordinator would be in regards to publicity.  They are both exploring Paganism and trying to find their own spiritual paths so I knew it could reflect on them.  Plus, both weren't really set on a path so they were neither in nor out.  Both gave me the thumbs up.

I'm a leader/organizer/facilitator of two local Pagan groups.  Prairie Star Circle - a monthly Pagan religious service (ritual) - is open to persons of all faiths so gaining approval of the other co-facilitator was not necessarily needed but I did owe him the courtesy.  The Rural Nebraska Witches' Group is a more so social group where members join and attend those events they choose.  Some members of RNWG are totally out and others are not at all.  We have some members that are out to a selective group of people within their lives.  Because of the choice to be closeted, I wanted to run it past the other co-organizer so she could present her viewpoint and thoughts.

Approval and applause from both parties.

I applied and landed the position.  A few months after that, we held the first ever Kearney Area Pagan Pride Day on October 20, 2013.  Only weeks earlier the first Nebraska Pagan Pride Day was held in Omaha.  It was certainly a banner year for the Pagan community in our state.

Less than a week after KAPPD, I was interviewed by a reporter with the local paper.  I was nervous because I didn't want to come off sounding bad or have my words taken out of context.  I am working to build up our Pagan community and show the non-Pagans that our only true difference is our belief systems. 

They article (Hahn Kinkade: Pagans are 'just like everyone else') was...okay.  Some of the quotes that are directly attributed to me were from brochures and information from the national website.  But it was a positive story. 

The responses, in general, where expected.  I had supporters and those who disagreed with allowing a Pagan group to hold such an event in our town.  Comments about finding baby parts around town would just show there are Pagans here. The story was posted to the paper's Facebook page and the comments were varied.  The Witches' Voice Facebook page also shared it and the biggest issue circled around Paganism being a "mystery tradition" so why were we public. 

Do I regret being "out" to the entire community?  No, not in the least.  I am proud to be a Pagan and I am proud of what the Pagan community in central Nebraska is becoming.  I own my Paganism and the impact I have had on our community.  For me, being out is the right thing for me. 

All life matters

This ties in very well to my two posts on Animism - part 1 and part 2.  In fact, it applies to my belief system very well.

Brighid

Week #3 - the letter "B"

Last year, Prairie Star Circle presented a dynamic ritual entitled "Journey to the Sacred Well."  I was lucky to attend and had a wonderful time.  The biggest part of the experience for me was during the guided meditation.

But first, I need to backtrack just a bit.

In my practice, I've never felt truly connected to any one specific deity.  And, believe me, it is not for lack of trying.  I've studied, "dated", honored, prayed to, and explored multiple gods and goddesses.  I never clicked with anyone.  I never felt that connection that so many of my fellow Pagans have experienced.  I was honestly bummed.

But, my Wiccan beginning left me feeling comfortable with a generic God and Goddess.  I could ask the Lord and Lady to join me in my rite.  Mother Earth and Father Sky would occasionally take their place in my circle.  Use whatever non-identifying name that still represented a male and female aspect and it worked for me.

However, I did still long for the connection or sign.

Brigid at Imbolc by Alivanna Rose Moore

Back to the ritual...  During the guided meditation we walked from a safe location of our own design to a well within a forested area.  There we met someone who gave us a token.  This someone, to me, was to represent the Goddess Brighid or actually be Brighid.  Imagine my shock and surprise when the someone pulled down the hood of her cloak and I was looking at myself, or at least someone who looked like me but had this glow and essence that I didn't personally see within myself.

Whoa.

What did this mean?  Are there aspects of Brighid that I exhibit?  Does she have something to teach me?  Is this my connection to deity that I have craved and sought out for years?  Is she my Patron Goddess?  I still was not sure but I knew that I needed to check her out more.  I needed to find the meaning in her showing herself during my meditation.

And with a load of enthusiasm and curiosity, I started to read and research.  Then life happened and my spirituality was pushed to the side, like it so often has been over the years.  Before long, my connection to and relationship with Brighid was not even something that graced my conscious.  In fact, until this prompt was presented, I'd scarcely given her a thought.

About 3 months ago, I really started to look at my relationship with the divine.  I began to question what it was that I believed about the divine.  And I hit a wall.  Was I polytheistic?  Or duotheistic?  Perhaps Atheism or Agnosticism?  I didn't really like the idea of a being or beings lording power over me and being more powerful that I could ever be. So did I even believe in divine beings? 

I'm still unsure.

Still, I need to research Brighid and give her the respect she deserves for bothering to come to me.  And I need to continue to examine my view of the divine.  As of this moment, my Shanda-ism is not driven by deity.  I believe that all things are interconnected and they are all made up of energy.  That, for the time being, works for me.

Animism, part two

Week #2 - the letter "A" continued

After reading my week #1 blog post on Animism, my friend L. was wondering if spirit and soul were the same thing.  Honestly, I hadn't thought about it prior to writing the blog and even up until the moment L. posed the question.  But it got me thinking: are they the same thing or not?

My first thought is yes, they are the same thing.  Your soul and your spirit are the essence of your being.  They encompass your emotions, your thoughts, your memories.  It is the part of a person or object that is energy. 

After more thought, and a bit of research, I'm not as sure of my initial definition of spirit and soul being one in the same.

Dictonary.com provides the following definitions:

Spirit: noun
1. the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul.
2. the incorporeal part of humans: present in spirit though absent in body.
3. the soul regarded as separating from the body at death.
4. conscious, incorporeal being, as opposed to matter: the world of spirit.
5. a supernatural, incorporeal being, especially one inhabiting a place, object, etc., or having a particular character: evil spirits.

Soul: noun
1. the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
2. the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come: arguing the immortality of the soul.
3. the disembodied spirit of a deceased person: He feared the soul of the deceased would haunt him.
4. the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments.
5. a human being; person.

Based on the above definitions, the following statements are true:

• a soul is something that is unique to human beings
• a spirit is a soul, but only when it is no longer encased in a body or physical object

Hmmm.

If we reflect on the two definitions of Animism, (1) the belief in souls/spirits and (2) the belief that non-human entities have souls/spirits, and combine it with the definitions of soul and spirit, the first definition still holds as 100% true and accurate to me and in my beliefs.  The second definition of Animism, however, doesn't jive when you include the definitions of soul and spirit, especially the one for soul.

More Hmmm.

My thought process now leads me to considering if I agree with the definitions of spirit and soul as provided by my source.  I do, but I don't.

To me, a soul is your energy and this energy can be in humans, objects, animals, etc.  It is not unique to human beings.  When you soul leaves your body, or whatever it was contained within, it becomes a spirit.  The energy is the same but the location is different. 

Utilizing my own definitions for soul and spirit, I still fully believe in Animism as it is explained in the two-part definition I've used here and in my first post on Animism.

I recently found the picture below.  I think it is a good, but not complete, view of what a soul is and is not.  It does cover what many people feel is an accurate definition of a soul, but doesn't accurately represent my full view on a soul and how I relate it to Animism.

Animisim

Week #1 - the letter "A"

To be blunt, Animism intrigues me...on both levels of its two main definitions.  

(1) the belief in souls/spirits

That one is easy.  I believe in souls and spirits.  I believe living beings have souls or something that would be comparable.  I believe that souls can exist outside of the body or be separated from the body.

(2) the belief that non-human entities have souls/spirits

I'm still on board. But what non-human entities do I believe have souls?

Animals: Definitely. Animals can express emotions, learn, and experience much of life. I have no doubts whatsoever that animals have souls.

Plants: Yes. Plants live and die. They grow and can suffer. To me that equals something with a soul.

Rocks:  Yes.  On one hand, I know I can feel energy from various rocks and stones, much like I do from people, animals, and plants. But there are some rocks that give me no "response" that would lead me to believe they have souls. Perhaps, however, those rocks that provide no energy have simply passed on and is just a shell that had once held a soul/spirit.

Natural phenomena such as thunder:  I can feel the power of thunder and lightning.  I react to it and love the energy it produces.  So, yes.

Geographic features such as mountains or rivers:  Yes.  When a "geographic feature" is moving like a river, it's very easy to feel that it is alive and potentially has a soul.  Mountains are more difficult to feel or understand because you cannot see them moving or growing.  But trees?  You cannot see them moving or growing (at least not without the aid of wind or other outside forces) but you can feel their energies.

(I'm coming to the conclusions that I, at least in some ways, equate something having a soul or spirit with my ability to feel or sense energy from the item, animal, etc.  With that being the case, the next one is quite easy to answer.)

Other entities of the natural environment:  Yes, if it radiates energy in some way.  Or did.

Abstract concepts such as words or metaphors in mythology: On this one, I'm torn, but I lean towards yes.  Words have power and they are incredibly important to me.  You can read a word and it electrifies you.  A spoken word can move you to tears.  They convey emotions and therefore produce a spark of energy.

Metaphors in mythology are similar.  True names as well.

So where does this leave me? 

The belief in Animism is something that I would definitely consider as a facet of my belief system.  It makes sense and plays off the interconnectedness that I find so important.  When something has a soul or a spirit, it gains a sense of power and is deserving of respect.  I like that idea.  A lot.  In fact, I'm adding it to my Definition page.