Solitary

Week 38 - the letter "S" again

While I am an active part of a decent-sized Pagan community - in which we socialize, participate in classes led by our peers, celebrate with group rituals, and join together in fellowship - I still classify myself as a solitary practitioner.  I still practice and learn with my family and I have been a part of smaller, intimate groups as well but, at my core, I am solitary.
My "Shanda-ism" is uniquely mine.  It is based upon trail and error and experimenting with ideologies that vibe with me.  As I grow and change, so does it. I pour my heart, soul, mind, and energy into cultivating it.  It is as much a part of me as I am a part of it.

Because of this deep connection, it would be virtually impossible to share my practice with another person.  I can include others in aspects but I could not imagine any one person deciding to follow my path - fully and completely - as I have designed it.  I'm not creating a tradition for others.  This is is for me, by me.

I am solitary in my practice...but I am not alone.

I utilize my Pagan community to gather new ideas, learn, and explore.  I give and share as much as I can with others and do my best to lead with positivity and compassion.  And I do these things because it is a part of my practice and it is also who I am at the deepest level.

Solitary practice is what works the best for me.  I do find a certain amount of peace in doing my own thing as it suits me and when it suits me.  My biggest issue with being solitary is that the only person that holds me accountable for my actions is me.  There are times a push from someone else would be helpful, especially when I find myself stuck in my own head.  Having another person, or several people, relying on me to plan a ritual or present information on the latest facet that adds to my practice as a whole is a driving force but it isn't nearly as satisfying.

My biggest issue is also one of my greatest joys.  If I cannot be accountable to myself, what am I doing?   Why am I doing it?  Being passionate about my spirituality keeps me grounded and curious.  It motivates me to improve myself on all levels.  It reflects who I am but also keeps me on the path to becoming the person I hope to be.  The person I want to be is simply the very best version of myself.

In my personal practice, I am solitary but I could not imagine doing it all on my own, all the time.  I need to have a community of like-minded individuals.  The ability to ask questions of others and share in experiences is a priority for me and necessary for personal growth and for my "Shanda-ism" to evolve.